Thursday, July 05, 2007

Through the Liberal Looking Gloss

Still rummaging throught the archives, trying to sort things out. Didn't get too far, since the baby woke up just after 6:00, followed by the wife at 8:45. Frankly, in dredging through these early posts, I'm more impressed by the attempts at humor than the substance. Or maybe it's just the mood I'm in, which feels very similar to before I started the blog, when I was content to sit on the sidelines and try to come up with zingers and one-liners to post on LGF and other favorite blogs. Anyway, here was an early stab at poking fun at the left's aways troubled relationship to language -- and with it, reality:

For example, when the MSM designate someone an ultra-conservative, this actually means conservative. And when they refer to a moderate conservative, they mean a liberal who is a Republican in name only, such as Chuck Hagel. Of course, the MSM's favorite Republican is John McCain, because he is a maverick, meaning that he holds a lot of positions that are to the left of his party. This is in contrast to Joe Lieberman, who is a pariah for holding positions to the right of his party.

A "moderate judge" is one who will strike a balance between what the Constitution says and what the left would like it to say.

The Democrats are the pro-choice party, meaning the party that wants to choose how to direct your retirement, where to send your children to school, and how best to spend your money. They also want a fairness doctrine to make sure that the free marketplace of ideas doesn't accidentally result in fairness.

When liberals accuse you of suppressing their freedom of speech, it means that you are criticizing them, or perhaps even censoring them. But when you censor conservatives or suppress their freedom of speech, it is called a speech code. Calling President Bush a liar is a courageous act of speaking truth to power, while criticizing the liberal stance on the war is questioning their patriotism. Likewise, dissent is the highest form of patriotism, unless it is directed against global warming hysteria. Global warming is what will destroy the earth if it isn't first destroyed by global cooling.

Evil, of course, does not exist. George Bush, however, is evil. Speaking of things that don't exist, there is no such thing as the liberal media. However, the conservative media are any media that are not liberal. There is no global jihad against Christians and Jews, but Christians and Jews who think so are more dangerous than the jihadis.

A homeless person is what you call a chronically mentally ill person during a Republican administration. Similarly, during a Democratic administration, deficit spending is investing in our children's future. During a Republican administration it is called mortgaging our children's future. Tax cuts involve stealing the government's money in order to give it away to taxpayers. Democrats will not raise taxes. Rather, they will just repeal President Bush's tax cuts.

Racial profiling refers to common sense police work in identifying likely suspects. It is not allowed. Affirmative action refers to government enforced academic or occupational racial profiling. You are a racist if you don't endorse this kind of racial profiling. Likewise, civil rights are special rights for designated victims. A civil rights activist is a lobbyist for special rights for his ethnic victim group.

Blacks are people who are helpless and bumbling victims without the support and assistance of white liberals. Black conservatives are people who are abused and victimized by the left for refusing to be helpless and bumbling victims.

Multiculturalism, of course, involves seeing beauty in all cultures but your own. Diversity is the philosophy that treasures neo-Marxists of all skin colors and sexual deviations. When a liberal uses the word tolerance, this actually means approval and celebration of differences. If you merely accept differences, this means you are intolerant of them. For example, if you only tolerate homosexuality, you are a homophobe.

Everyone in Hollywood believes the same thing. That's why they are such rebellious individualists.

A Vietnam war veteran is a baby killer, but a conservative who avoided being a baby killer is a chicken hawk. A war hero is a baby killer such as John Kerry who opposes the Iraq war. A quagmire, of course, is any war opposed by liberals. Otherwise, you will never hear the word "quagmire" used in human discourse.

Bilingual education involves the difficult achievement of learning nothing in two languages. It is often employed to teach illegal immigrants, who are undocumented Democratic voters. Feminism is the celebration of masculine women who have angrily overcome their femininity, femininity being another category of oppressed victimhood. If you are a man who loves femininity, you are a chauvinist.

Homosexuality is a genetically caused condition that renders one incapable of engaging in sexual relations with the opposite sex. Its opposite, heterosexuality, is an arbitrary gender identification caused by cultural conditioning. Similarly, there is no such thing as the homosexual lifestyle, while queer studies departments engage in the study of the homosexual lifestyle.

Moral relativism is the absolute belief that no beliefs are absolute. Pornography is a type of expression that is protected by the first amendment, while religion, especially Christian religion, is a dangerous type of expression from which we are protected by the first amendment.

Another definition of speech codes is that they are restrictions on language designed to protect liberals from the first amendment. Separation of church and state means state hostility to religious expression. Not to be confused with Bill Clinton's treatment of his intern, which only violated the separation of crotch and state.


Anonymous said...

Thanks for yet another lesson in critical thinking and the hypocrisy of the left.
This P.C. speak reminds me of reading the book, The Gulag Archipeligo where a certain group was targeted as being detrimental to the collective and the illogical spin machine engaged to show how logical it was to oppress and intern said group.
No wonder migrants to this country from the former soviet bloc who lived through it are worried about the spin of the political discourse.
Question; does anyone ever remember the word "spin" being applied to political discourse before Billybob Joebob came into office?
I guess the answer could depend on your definition of the word "is". :^(

Mizz E said...

What's ya say there cuz?

Anonymous said...

Heh, I remember this from the first go-around, and it's still funny.

Having since read a lot more of Polanyi's work, especially his thoughts on the relation between language and belief, I find this even funnier than before. How much personal insecurity (or deep-down belief that one is wrong) must one have to feel the need to attempt these verbal acrobatics to convey one's self?

What a prescription for eliminating all of one's potential slack...

Van Harvey said...

"Speaking of things that don't exist, there is no such thing as the liberal media. However, the conservative media are any media that are not liberal."

Lol - does anything else need to be said?

robinstarfish said...

birds of paradise
nesting in a tree of sparks
birth of a nation

Susannah said...

What a great documentation of liberal abuse of language. Thanks for dusting this one off!

Susannah said...

Oh, and I wanted to add...these are the very phrases and talking points that I find mind-numbingly repetitive, and I can't believe they don't gag on them when using them for the 1,452th time. Not only deceptive, but trite. I guess it's too much work for them to hunt down & skin the definitional hides from new words, to keep it a little more interesting. Strunk & White, they ain't.

Ephrem Antony Gray said...

Sharp, Gagdaddio.

I R A Darth Aggie said...

Evil, of course, does not exist. George Bush, however, is evil.

My head just exploded. That stings. I knew reading this article would lead to pain, suffering or psychosis.

But this leads me to wonder if this is true: If you stare into a Liberal long enough, the Liberal stares into you.

Anonymous said...

Awesome - I had forgotten about this post.

Don't forget the use of the passive tense in writing which writers use to hide who is actually responsible for doing something.

(kind of like the use of the royal "we" - sharing blame for something for which we are entirely to blame or taking credit for something in which we had no involvement)

Anonymous said...

Ha ha!

Pretty smelly here, with all this hate bait you're putting out! I love reading stereotypes actually.

I'm just glad you're not running anything more dangerous than a keyboard.

You should put this stuff in "conservapedia"! My favorite laugh of the day.

Anonymous said...

Don't worry, we're not laughing with you, we're laughing at you.

Anonymous said...

Senator McCain's Presidential bid will not be corrupted by big money. Campaign Finance Reform? Maverick without a Mustang? ;~)

Anonymous said...

Maybe eng has a point. Set out hate bait, and every goofball troll from the moonbatosphere is going to come by to get a taste.


walt said...

The nice thing about folks like eng is that they bring us "new toys." Now we've got 'hate bait' to play with!

Susannah said...

Stereotypes. Hmmmm. We're making this stuff up, are we?

Did we make up the individual who recently wrote: "Humans are just one of the millions of species on Earth, but we use up almost a quarter of the sun's energy captured by plants - the most of any species." Of course, the only possible lefty conclusion: "Here we are, just one species on the earth, and we're grabbing a quarter of the renewable resources … we're probably being a bit greedy."

Never mind that we are the only species who *farm.* "This showed humans used 24 per cent of the energy that was captured by plants. More than half of this was due to the harvesting of crops or other plants." Ah, moonbattery at its finest.

(Not to mention that it begs the question: if we're at the top rung of the evolutionary ladder via natural selection, SO WHAT if we use the majority of the earth's resources? Where's this absolute moral code underlying the big guilt trip coming from? Why shouldn't the fittest survive?)

There was that decidedly unfeminine feminist who tried to attach guilt and oppression to engagement rings the other week:

"...the real blingfest didn't get going until the 1930s, when—dim the lights, strike up the violins, and cue entrance—the De Beers diamond company decided it was time to take action against the American public."

"Take action against"--they duped dumb Americans into wanting valuable and beautiful gems with their nefarious capitalistic ad campaign!!

"For those who aren't bothered by the finer points of gender equity, an engagement ring clearly makes a claim about the status of a woman's sexual currency. It's a big, shiny NO TRESPASSING sign, stating that the woman wearing it has been bought and paid for, while her beau is out there sign-free and all too easily trespassable, until the wedding."

Only a total moonbat could turn an engagement ring--a gift, freely given, out of love--into a symbol of oppression and a source of guilt.

There's lots more muddled thinking and language abuse where that came from. Unfortunately.

Anonymous said...

Susannah said:
(Not to mention that it begs the question: if we're at the top rung of the evolutionary ladder via natural selection, SO WHAT if we use the majority of the earth's resources? Where's this absolute moral code underlying the big guilt trip coming from? Why shouldn't the fittest survive?)

That gave me the best laugh I've had in quite a few days. Thanks!


Van Harvey said...

Still laughing!

And MizzE, that picture... real?


wv:czvyrwud - not sure what it says, but I'm pretty sure that its Elmer Fudd saying it, to Cuz.

Anonymous said...

Re ' that decidedly unfeminine feminist who tried to attach guilt and oppression to engagement rings the other week'

Sour-sour grapes me-dear. No decent real Man would want the likes of a She-beast like her. Not a prayer in hell that she would receive 'a gift, freely given, out of love' & she GNOS it, so sour-sour-sour.

Really, that was toooooo easy.

Anonymous said...

our fire and police/security sysems are nationalized--why not medical service?

These protective services are very similar and should be clustered similarly.

If privitazation is better, then we should have for-profit police and fire units in our towns.

Logically, that would work better than the socialized security forces we have now.

We should have a choice as to who polices our neighborhoods or responds to fires. We don't need the government to tell us who to appoint to these posts.

Gecko said...

Your poking fun always will get the attention of the reader, especially the ATD types. I too remember this piece. Because I am too much of a slacker to actually go back into the archives for review. What is so wonderful about these pieces is that, like Mary Poppins, your humour is what makes the medicine go down as Mary Poppins would say.
Ximize, that's what I was thinking when I read that absurd engagement ring nonesense. Merlin says hi to Beaky.

Joan of Argghh! said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
Joan of Argghh! said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
USS Ben USN (Ret) said...

Hi Gecko!
Congratulations on your new BLOG!
Ha! Good to have you bloggin'!

USS Ben USN (Ret) said...

Crypto-hatebaiters...I like it.
I suppose we're also crypto-xenophobes, crypto-cultists, and crypto-neocoons.

Prolly more crypto's than the average crypto-lefty can shake a crypto-stick at, in all their crypto-ignorance.

Hey, this is kinda crypto-fun!

USS Ben USN (Ret) said...

You'll only find crypto-stereotyping here.
Otherwise you wouldn't understand it...oh wait! Only crypto-morons can neo-understand it. Regular morons like you don't have a crypto-clue.

Darn! I forgot to type that with my crypto-keyboard.

Anonymous said...

dear ignorant ignoramus of ignorami,

however you interpret freedom, the right of the the state to tell you hoe to spend your your own (untaxed) money belongs to the state, else how does the the state own all the wealth of the taxpayers of said state.


USS Ben USN (Ret) said... that's the effects of crypto-cannibus.

I expected something more...

Magnus Itland said...

What? American men are not wearing engagement rings?
(Checks Wikipedia)
No seriously. That's just creepy. Let's hope de Beers can rectify this situation without undue delay.


Magnus Itland said...

OK, let me expand on that.

Men and women both have a legitimate interest in the opposite sex. They want to marry, graduate three children from college, have six grandchildren and reach the golden anniversary before the dust returns to the earth from whence it came and the spirit returns to God who gave it.

How are they supposed to do that if they don't know who is already taken? Wedding bands and engagement rings are public service announcements. It is not about displaying wealth, it is about being considerate.

Here in Norway, a man will usually wear a thin plain band on the appropriate finger if he is engaged (though some wear a full wedding band). If the woman cannot afford to buy him one, or has not had time to prepare financially, he will pay for it himself. To not display your attachment is considered rude, and frankly it is. This may have made perfect sense in the age where a woman's father arranged her marriage and she had no need to look for a prospective husband, but those days are long gone. Now that women have to scope for husbands, the least one can do is flag those who are taken.

Van Harvey said...

Magnus said "Now that women have to scope for husbands, the least one can do is flag those who are taken."

Yeah... but nah. Miss all the good crypto cat fights that way. And how would we ever get movies like 'the wedding planner' if the guy was tagged too?

Van Harvey said...

"We're running a two for one special this week, commit a murder and we'll charge you for Grand Larceny too! But Wait! There's More! If you act NOW, we'll include a FREE Good Cop/Bad Cop interrogation, complete with rubber hoses - at NO extra Charge! (this offer not available to current subscribers, rubber hoses included only while supplies last)"

What a maroon.

Theme Song

Theme Song