Tuesday, January 16, 2007

Coonology For Dummies (1.17.09)

1) The virus is lingering, so I'm sleeping later, 2) the baby could wake up at any time, 3) I have to leave for work earlier today, and 4) I have no topic to write about. This is a bad combination. Therefore, rather than trying to make something up, I'd better just write about something I know well, Raccoon history.

Let's begin before the beginning. How far back can we trace the Raccoon lineage through history? A venerable Raccoon piety maintains that we have no historical origin, and that we antedate the creation of the universe. We were there, if not at God's right hand, then in his hair. In fact, truth be told, we were even ambivalent about this whole creation business. Why do it? Why go to all the bother? Why spoil a good thing? Why a cosmos?

But when God exteriorized his interior and involved himself in the so-called lila of creation, we were swept up in the general mayhem and confusion, and ended up in human form. So it definitely could have been worse, which is why Raccoons are always grateful. But very early in their earth-career, Raccoons had to learn to "pass," something we have been doing ever since. Even today, due to millennia of genetic selective pressure, we are the only humans who, for genetic reasons, instinctively recoil at being a member of a religion that would have us.

The Raccoon is distinct from the prototypical human, for he is not exactly a group animal nor is he a solitary animal. Rather, he craves companionship, but mainly with fellow Raccoons. The trick down through history has been locating them. For example, it is well understood that our genetic line has become weakened because of the difficulty of locating a fellow Raccoon with whom to maintain proper coonjugal relations. How many readers have both a Raccoon mother and father? Being a foolblooded Raccoon, my own 21 month-old kit is somewhat unusual (a "kit" is a young raccoon). I wonder if this will make his life easier or more difficult? Probably both.

Like the story of the lion that is raised by sheep, the literature abounds with poignant strories of Raccoons who have tried to "fit in" with the world, all the while sensing that something was deeply wrong or missing. Not a presumptuous breed, all but the heartiest Raccoons have tended to blame themselves for this, leading to the well-known phenomenon of the "self-hating Coon."

As we know, certain persistent traits set the Raccoon apart from his peers, including a sense of essential Truth, a sense of the sacred, a sense of beauty, a sense of grandeur (or dignity), and a sense of mischief. Taken together, these comprise his "coon vision," accounting for his laughably quasi-infallibility in metaphysical matters. But this mystical intuition is balanced by deep humility and charity, to such an extent that many humans don't even realize it when there is an "unassuming Raccoon" in their midst. Hence the title of the recent best-seller, "The 'Coon Next Door."

Other tawdry books have attempted to cash in on the Raccoon phenomenon. Their titles are well known: "The One-Minute Raccoon," "Tuesdays with Rocky," "Raw Chicken for the Raccoon Soul," "Awakening the Hibernating Raccoon Within," "Raccooneritis," etc. But as we all know, a Raccoon is not something you can "become." It cannot be conferred upon you (except by Petey through the mystical channel of the sacred "book purchase"), nor can it be taken away. In truth, nothing can add to or diminish one's Raccoon nature (unless you order two books or purchase an indulgence from Petey).

Now, as it concerns Raccoon dogma, the Raccoon has the well-attested bi-cosmic ability to simultaneously stand "within" and "above" tradition -- but only above because within. Thus, the Raccoon does not "fly," nor does he crawl. Rather, he walks -- sometimes on two legs, sometimes on four, but always with paws firmly planted on the earth.

The Raccoon is a very curious creature. When it comes to learning, he is an "intelligent omnivore," meaning that his education may be a desultory and chaotic affair. The loftiest theology may mingle side by side with the simple "rhythm and blues" of the American negro tradition.

The word "raccoon" is actually derived from the Algonquian word aroughcoune, "he who scratches with his hands," in our case, our heads. Raccoons vertitably come into the world "scratching our heads," and for many, the itch is never satisfied. Many Raccoon parents will compete over whose kit scratched his head at an earlier age, but research shows that it doesn't really matter, and that late-scratchers normally catch up with their peers. When one Raccoon greets another with the phrase, "How's 'yer bloody scalp?," it means "what eternal verity have you learned today?," as if to suggest blood emanating from the head due to the incessant scratching and "coontemplating." In fact, it is fair to say that true Raccoon knowledge always comes at the cost of real blood.

As we know, the Raccoon is a nocturnal animal, both literally and metaphorically. Epistemologically, his "night vision" is a complement to the "day vision" of the rank and file human. Being that he can "see in the dark," theology and metaphysics come naturally to him, whereas certain "practical" matters, such as how to dress appropriately, may be a closed book. As day vision is to the head, night vision is to the heart, meaning that the center of cerebral activity for the Raccoon is in the chest region. This is not to be confused with the unmoored emotionality of his human brethren, especially his liberal sisterly brothers, who habitually confuse intensity of feeling with depth of thought. Rather, the Raccoon heart represents the higher unity of the modes of thinking and feeling. Furthermore, it is always mingled with doing, which is to say action. The Raccoon "lives his realization," rather than merely thinking or feeling it. This is the paradox of our "non-doodling." We may look like we're just doodling around, but we're not. My in-laws will never understand this.

We have all seen baby Raccoons who sleep "upside down." In fact, Raccoons are born "upside down," which, for us, is "right side up." In practical terms, it means that Raccoons are born with a different orientation to the cosmos than our human counterparts. Specifically, the Raccoon comes into the world with figure and ground reversed, so that their primary orientation is to eternity rather than time. Thus, their birthright is a state of being that would represent the culmination of a lifetime's spiritual practice for the non-Raccoon. But it is not as if this cosmic disorientation represents an unqualified blessing, since it contributes to the Raccoon's alienation. He may not be particularly "worldly," and in fact, it would represent something of an aberration if he were. Much of what the world regards as being of the utmost significance will, for the Raccoon, represent urgent nonsense, or what one Raccoon called "dying of miscellany." The Raccoon is always being "Reasonable," if not necessarily "reasonable," which can lead to friction with other humans. What they call "reality," we call a tight-fitting dream garment woven from the substance of the dreamer.

There is a certain natural "detachment" in the Raccoon, as if he can never completely give himself over to the illusions of the world. And since their primary orientation is to eternity rather than time, they can find it exceedingly difficult to get all excited about this particular time. At the very least, he won't get caught up in the momentary "tempest of the day," as if it has some eternal significance. It is not uncommon for certain Raccoons to feel as if they were "born at the wrong time," but the fact of the matter is, for a Raccoon, time itself is the wrong time. However, once this is realized, then any time can be the right time. Or at least no worse than any other time.

It is difficult to gauge the historical significance of Raccoons, since their influence largely goes unnoticed by those who write history. Indeed, their contributions cannot be weighed on the scales of the world. Rather, their influence is always qualitative, interior, invisible, and hidden. Although not visible to the "historians of the day," one can nevertheless draw a straight line from Raccoon to Raccoon down through the night time of history, and it is the task of each Raccoon to stand in this line, make it "come alive," and hand it down to the next generation. Thus, we have our "tradition" -- tradition defined as the vertical prolonged into the horizontal -- but it is a hidden one.

The Raccoon has few natural enemies, but fewer natural friends. A "coongregation" occurs when any two Raccoons meet "in his name." The Raccoons can be from any tradition, but will nevertheless joyfully recognize each other as "brothers under the pelt." Naturally, they will often find that they have more in common with each other than with the human members of their own traditions. Thus, there are Christian Raccoons, Jewish Raccoons, and esoteric Vadantacoons, but the opposite is not true -- there is no doctrinal "Raccoon Christianity," for example.

Time for just a couple more Raccoon "fun facts." Although Coons can look pretty sluggish at times, they do not actually hibernate. Rather, they go through a period of decreased activity, which is referred to as the "daily torpor." All Coon children know that this torpor lasts until the school bell rings. It was once assumed that adult Coons outgrew this torpor, but it can often persist into one's work life.

Lastly, when introduced into Germany in the 19th century, Raccoons seeking food in wine cellars and storage areas eventually became a threat to the country's wine industry. But worldwide, Raccoons have been a boon to the beer industry. They are especially coonnoisseurs of dark ales, often lapping at one while listening to various forms of music in the American negro tradition.

Tuesday morning, 5:00 AM. Must finish post before sun comes up and daily torpor sets in!


River Cocytus said...

Guiness and the blues? Come to the dark, rich, full bodied side.

Lisa said...

Hee Hee, you are a pretty funny guy when sick and rushed, but cut it out already and get better. Raccoons also have a unique ability to sift through garbage and locate treasure. Crafty little critters!

This raccoon prefers fine tequila any day.

juliec said...

I wondered, for a while, if I actually fit the "Racoon" archetype. Now I know for certain. Not sure what I think about this - I'll have to go and scratch my head for awhile...

Yesterday, I attended a yearly planning session of the board of the choir that I am on. It is formed of a group of intelligent, thoughtful (if mainly liberal leaning - almost everyone in my choir is also a teacher, usually of music), generally likeable people, and I think I contribute enough for my part; however, when it comes to connecting, I find that there is little or no connection between them and myself. Partly, my personal culture appears to be entirely at odds with virtually everyone there (and many here, FWIW - but I find what is said here, often, to be far more interesting and enlightening than anything usually spoken there). But also, there seems to be some essential component that keeps our relationships from moving beyond "friendly acquaintances". I'm quiet, I know, but having sung with this group for four years now I find I still have little to say to them, or they to me.

I think I now understand, possibly, why that may be.

Thanks, Bob.

will said...

. . . bears a striking aura of gravitas, yet has a great lightness of being.

. . . takes comfort in the fact that all earthly things are temporal.

. . . never feels more "accompanied" than when in solitude.

. . . generally distrustful of things that feel "too good".

. . . finds that dreams/interior states of being as real, if not more so, that waking reality.

. . . is thrilled by the very fact of his/her own consciousness.

. . . is never really bored.

cousin dupree said...

... or boring.

River Cocytus said...

This is something funny to say, but there is a game called 'Suikoden' which translated (I think it is Chinese squeezed into Japanese) 'stars of Destiny'.

The idea is that in 'the Decisive Lifetime', there are 108 -- who knows why, ask the Chinese, they know the numbers -- 'Stars of Destiny' who take some part in the actions that change the history of the world.

The 'stars' are not literally that people are those stars, or avatars of stars or heavenly beings, but instead that the stars represent archetypes -- like, vocations/callings if you will -- and during that time, the people pop into their places to fulfill the 'Decisive Lifetime'.

Looking at history, it seems that there are indeed 'stars of destiny', which is, on some layer of the existentialada a form of minor archetyping that clicks solidly into place when some big sh*t is going down.

Robert Anton Wilson, the writer of the Illuminatus series died recently I heard; and to many he is Fnord missed.

I think the reason why the idea of illuminatus, while mere fantasy held up to fact (at least as conceived by conspiracy theorists), actually resonates somehow with the world.

That is to say, there are certain archetypes that people can't help but be-- on different levels, of course. I always thought it was false, because as usual, people are trying to sell you a package deal.

For instance common astrology is just a matter of coming up with a general advice for all 'insert astrological sign'. People tend to think of themselves exclusively as 'insert astrological sign'. To assume that a person is, for instance, wholly and completely and only a Scorpio is a foolish kind of idolatry. Partly because the 'scorpio-ness' does not adequately cover all that a person is, anyway. And besides, people tend to use their astrological sign as an excuse to do foolish things. When this is what it means to you, then it's an idol.

But aside from that-- you were born under a sign. It does not 'define' you per se, but might give you a hint as to what a part of your essence is.

For instance, your given name-- for me it is 'Garth' which means 'Gardener' -- gives you a hint. But not necessarily. In the Bible, there is a man named 'Jabez' which means, 'Gives Pain'. Not a great name to have! Almost like a curse. But, for him we find that his name was indeed part of his 'essence' though his nature would seek to use it to drag him down. For it was only the pain of that curse that led him to be the only anonymous guy who had a paragraph-long mention in Chronicles.

Part of the issue I found was, when we say 'Who I am', we often are saying -- 'this is my nature'. If that is what you mean, then it does not matter who you are-- you have to rise above it. In terms of your nature it is more important to whom you belong.

But if you think about it, and say instead 'Who I am' in regards to your essence, or rather, what it was God made you to do, -- that's really what you want to find out, isn't it?

It's like how Bob said there are 'Christian Raccoons' but no 'Raccoon Christianity'. Exactly! Because in this sense, Raccoon-ness is orthogonal to Christianity-- to make a form of Raccoon Christianity would be to mix oil and water or whatnot.

My mother is definitely (though she doesn't know it) a Raccoon. Our most prominent trait is a penchant for mischief.

The 'nature' which is mutable to the lower vertical would be made into a vessel of perdition if we let it-- those traits which we have that reflect who God made might be counterfeited to the task of perhaps idleness, crime, or other unseemly things.

So being a Raccoon, like Bob said, is not a full description of who we are, but a true reflection of a 'dimension' if you will, of our essence.

Keeping this in mind, here is something to roll around in ya head.

Your 'handle' that you use, you chose. That is your 'chosen' name. (You might have more than one.)

Your nicknames are 'earned' names. You might have more than one.

Your first name is your given name. Your middle name might be too. That is the name your parents (or a guardian) chose for you -- not because of what you had done, but because of some potential they saw or some blessing they wanted to give.

Your last name is the name given by God. The fifth commandment (I think?) is: Honor thy mother and father so that you may live long in the land thy God has given you (paraphrase.) Your family, which is to say, the family you are born into is chosen by God. Thus, your last name, given you have not altered it, is actually chosen by God (in this sense.)

So each name tells you something about yourself.

You can let it either be a curse (as your nature) or a blessing (as your 'calling'.) But none of those names are entire... no mere language can contain what a creature actually is.

Or, that is what I might say, given what Bob wrote.

Ringtail Cat the Coatamundi said...

Although satire, Bob's post points to a truth and a mystery. Some of us are more attuned to "O" than others (I see it more as a subtle gradation rather than a stark coon or no coon proposition).

I posit two theories:

1. Childhood wounding: Inadequate parents may compel a child to meet its needs in the Unseen. Child seeks "O" out of necessity early on.

2. Reincarnation:
Experienced repeat Earth visitors grow ever more able to retain a connection to point of origin "O".

Racconness is connection to God. The question every raccoon must ask is "what is the best use of my time here?" The 'coon is a special agent, a shock trooper of God. She is not here for a vacation. If you are a 'coon, there is always a mission.

dilys said...

we were even ambivalent about this whole creation business. Why do it? Why go to all the bother? Why spoil a good thing? Why a cosmos?

Almost-fallen angels, veering off disagreement with the Creator in the nick of eternity?

very early in their earth-career, Raccoons had to learn to "pass,"

Furry Masons?

Anyway, iced-in here today, sharing the torpor.

Get well-er soonest.

River Cocytus said...

Our mission is to chill supremely while figuring out why we can't sleep longer than we are able. Or eat more dark chocolate.

Or sometimes stop a nation from being destroyed.

Either way it is a serious mission.

Which is to say, seriously hilarious-- never so serious as to be dull. But not unserious as in nihilistic.

I would feel that the existence of the Raccoon itself describes this conundrum.

I mean, a burglar's mask and a ringed tail? He's on a mission; a serious mission; a seriously crazy, silly, zany and hilarious mission.

God Speed, Raccoon! May your goings always be forward, your naps be froward, and your rooms always filled with shiny things!

I think also, for all of their slack, Raccoons are very stubborn.

Joseph said...

"or boring".

I was starting to find my place until that became a criterion.

ximeze said...

Bob said:
"But very early in their earth-career, Raccoons had to learn to "pass," something we have been doing ever since.

Rather, he craves companionship, but mainly with fellow Raccoons.

who have tried to "fit in" with the world, all the while sensing that something was deeply wrong, or missing."

Thanks Bob, for articulating & claifying, with this post, something which has bothered me for as long as I can remember.

Been mulling over the Descent of Mind thread of a couple of days ago, trying to remember.

Can only come up with something like an "awakening", suddenly "I" was. Must have been 5 or 6. Deep down, nothing much has changed.

Looking back, at that moment I knew "I" was "different". Not knowledge of being a distinct unit or entity of the human kind, somehow oddly "set apart" & "outside" - looking "in" or "at" the others.

People who "get along" well have always fascinated me: how do they do it? what can I copy? there must be something they do that I'm not doing.....

All efforts on my part have been completely fruitless. Even keeping my mouth shut has not helped for more than a little while.

"Others" seem to sense, in some way, the "difference". Not "part of the gang" or something.

My question is: is it possible to have, in the psych-sense, to have "projected" that "difference" consistently onto "them" for over 4 decades?

There have been a very few humans I've been able to "relate" to & have always had an affinity for animals. I speak Cat, Dog & Parrot better than most, it seems. Certainly, I prefer their company: less BS.

Always put it down to something very "wrong" with me.

GLASR said...

Ah ha! Outta the chair heh heh Wash their "hands" before they eat too.;~)

PS urchin tracker is not defined

Sal said...

Ximeze - would like to comment on that, but I'm late to work... Later.

the Future Leader's coonscion sweater is done, but there's no e-mail for you on my version of OC. I await instructions.

bubba kartoffel said...

Back to yesterday and fusing with today. Enjoy the 30 second riff (hot licks) by the bassist Edgar Meyer in this clip featuring the world's greatest dobro player, Jerry Douglas:


Meyer is, coincidentally the world's greatest bassist, bar none.

Van said...

"Tuesdays with Rocky", yes, a personal favorite. Guiness or, if you can find it, Mackeson's Triple Stout (makes Guiness look like weak tea).

All of what Will said.

I'll amend what DuPree said to "never boring to those who are not themselves boring"... I know, I still need to work on that Brevity thing.

Ximeze said "...People who "get along" well have always fascinated me: how do they do it? what can I copy? there must be something they do that I'm not doing..."Others" seem to sense, in some way, the "difference". Not "part of the gang" or something... is it possible to have, in the psych-sense, to have "projected" that "difference" consistently onto "them"".

Nah. Racoon's are just different, and others notice - particularly the anti-racoons. That doesn't mean all get alongers are anti-racoons, far from it, I've been good friends with a few - they noticed something odd too (I think it's the bandit mask- puts some folks off) - even told me so, but didn't matter to them. I tried to mention to them the dark bands around their own eyes, but they'd have none of that.

Ah well.

River Cocytus said...

Bubba: had to listen to it more than once! That is some sweet licks.

Interesting thing... I recently 'broke it off' with a gal, who really wouldn't let it 'be anything'. Anyway, my boss, a well meaning guy -- but a merchant through and through -- led me to 'womenapproachyou.com' (We know John Alanis, the guy who runs the site and the techniques actually work) and 'doubleyourdating.com'.

I signed myself up, just because I decided to see what it was they were peddling (you all should know that any 'free report' is actually a sales pitch...)

I had a very coonlike reaction to it-- I didn't even care if any of it worked. There was so much about getting sex-- which I will admit is a nice thing to have (though where do you keep it?). But, it doesn't appeal to me. One of the 'special techniques' the guy reveals to tell when a woman is ready to kiss (in fact, it could work on a man too.) is actually a massive incursion on a person's intimacy.

Needless to say, you'd get your kiss, but you'd screw things up pretty hard at the same time.

To me, the fact that 'I too, can learn these techniques...' is almost enough to make me block the IP's to those sites.

That was my gut reaction.

But let me tell you-- I think the 'rules' are despicable too, because they 'trick' men into getting gifts/marrying women, but really doesn't make for a real relationship.

Anyway, I suppose based on what I can tell the motivation is behind the whole thing-- that I would find that all of the 'techniques' involve morally questionable actions. Whether they work or not is not the point to me. I have no interest in being saddled with an attractive but empty person as my mate.

Of course, for 'deep' guys like me they throw in a line such as, "Oh yeah, and you can meet that 'special person' with these techniques too!"

What works is not necessarily right, but what is right necessarily works.

Guess I get to see how much they 'respect my privacy'.

PS: I say the 'morally questionable actions' out of experience; I find you can get what you want in the short term with them, but in the long term you find out that things can only be as they are.

cosanostradamus said...

In my house, Guinness is a food group.

Mackeson's eh? OK, I'm in search.

Uh, River, your astrological advice doesn't work for me as I was born exactly on the cusp between Taurus and Gemini. It's fun though, my life is one stop short of Quadrophenia.

Who are you...

GLASR said...

Your Van Gogh comment brought back an event in time. Was the guest of Heineken N.V. in 1990(100th Anniversary of Vincent's suicide). Some time at CorpHQ in Leiden. In Amsterdam a city block had been leveled, built a three story exhibition hall, gathered as many of Van Gogh's works as they could, both private and public. Stuffed them in, come have a look see. Entry was a problem, tickets ordered two years in advance, timed stay, like that. Heineken was a sponsor - still feel bad about this BUT had a VP walk me(and my "group")plus some folks(Aussies)I met at HQ Leiden and the gal who gave us the HQ & Brewery tour(that choice, tour gal, really pissed off the VP, my "job" at the time, piss people off, eh) to the front of the line(blocks long), waltz us through the door and get us no time limit passes. We all spent hours nose to oils. What I learned? Vincent painted the same thing over and over and over and over .........

Excuse the divert, please. Compulsion, driven by the forward movement of an event in time, triggered by van's mention of Vincent Van. Thanks van, was a good trip, it was yesterday - for a while anyway.:~)

River Cocytus said...


My point was just that, astrology, whether or not you feel it has anything to say, can't possibly say EVERYTHING.

And yes, I think it would also be valid astrologically if you were born under a 'speed limit 55' sign on the Pennsylvania turnpike.

If you can't make a joke about it, it's moving into idol territory in my book...

tsebring said...

Bob...hope you are better soon...perhaps you accidentally ate some raccoon bait..:P

Well, I guess this explains my late-night habits and my fridge-raiding at all hours....wonder if there is a Raccoon Diet book out there. Of course, my almost daily chats with a wonderful new ladyfriend out in Iowa might explain it too. Can definitely wreak havoc on one's diurnality.

So, Bob, I guess that you could say that this posting has "gone viral"?:P

tsebring said...

Bob, great post...get well soon. I guess this explains my late nights and my fridge raiding...wonder if there is a Racoon Diet book out there. But also could be explained by my nightly chats with a wonderful new ladyfriend out in Iowa...tends to wreak havoc on one's diurnality.

So, Bob, I guess you could say this post has "gone viral"?:P

tsebring said...

oops...sorry for the dup :P

juliec said...

Apropos astrological signs - I'm a scorpio, and my husband's a sagitarius, supposedly a poisonous combination. We've been together 13 years now, and still love each other more every day.

Oddly enough, the Chinese astrological system (as read on a placemat at a chinese buffet, so take that for what it's worth) more accurately "fit" our relationship. Go figure :)

tsebring said...

River - suggest you try ChristianCafe.com if you want to pursue dating online...I met the aforementioned woman on that site...in their chat room, which is really fun and friendly, and geared to those of us who approach love and marriage with a slightly more vertical, Raccoon-oriented outlook. But don't rush it...you are still young and there is so much cosmos out there yet to see, so many more glorious unlocked restaurant dumpsters...

"to boldly rummage where no raccoon has rummaged before....."

Bubba said...

Smoov ~

Something for you that your mother would definitely approve of:


Greatest interpreter of Bach's keyboard work, IMNSHO.

River Cocytus said...

julie: my approach to astrology always has been, there are more than 12 types of people.

Relying on the 'sign' for everything pushes God out of the picture--

It is still a curiosity, though. Mostly I like it for its idea of 'alignments' -- I never read horoscopes.

Just like when I played D&D I always found their descriptions of how each 'alignment' should behave as inadequate at best.

Tsebring: sounds neat. Hopefully one of those dumpsters will be in Japan!

walt said...

Without referencing anyone's scalp, I would say that today's post "scratches the surface very deeply." From a very early age, I have carried the sense that "something's not quite right", and that feeling has determined many a road I have travelled. Including, listening-in around here.

In the mid-1950's, Colin Wilson wrote The Outsiders, which addressed the fact that in every population, a small percentage suffer a certain alienation from their peers -- and often, truly suffer. He mainly used artists and writers as examples. Wilson has been hammered by critics over the years, and the current take on the word 'outsider' is very dark, but it might be worth a look for some of you.

ms. E said...

Raccoon Beer Stew - goes great your favorite brew

• 2 tablespoons butter
• 1 sliced yellow onion
• 2 pounds lean beef, cut in cubes
• 1 tablespoon flour
• 1 bottle of beer
• 2 teaspoons balsamic vinegar
• 1 teaspoon salt
• 1/2 teaspoon pepper
• 1/2 teaspoon sugar
• 1 bay leaf
• 1/4 teaspoon thyme, crumbled

Preheat oven to 350 degrees. In a Dutch oven over medium-high heat, melt butter; brown onions. Remove onions from the pan; add beef and brown. Sprinkle beef with flour; add onions and remaining ingredients and stir well. Cover tightly and bake for about 2 1/2 hours, or until very tender.
Serve over a bed of buttered egg noodles dusted with fresh parsley.

ximeze said...


So, when do we get to meet her?

You've not forgotten my request of a couple of months ago?

will said...

juliec - dunno where you heard that scorps are sag are 'poisonous" to each other, but, even taken as stark, unalloyed archetypes, that's not really ever been true.

In any event (river), obviously there are not "12 kinds of people" - astrology doesn't posit that there are. The sun sign is one factor in a chart, there are a zillion others, including rising and moon sign, house placement, aspects, etc. All combined, they add up to a chart of striking individuality, replete with distinct themes.

I would contend that everyone is thus asto-themed. The important thing to understand is that there are an infinite number of potential gradations in which the theme can be manifested, from the very low material manifestation to the very highest in Spirit. Where on the scale of low-high one manifests one's asto-theme is a matter of free will.

Joseph said...

Are you familiar with Vedic astrology? Their practitioners say that Western astrology, due to the movement of the cosmos is now off by a far margin.

juliec said...

Perhaps "poisonous" was a bit of a strong word. The book was "Sexual Astrology". I read it (or at least the supposedly relevant bits) back in about '93 or '94, and so don't remember the exact terms used, but the gist was that scorps and sags are a combination that is usually ill-fated.

Quite frankly, I never took it particularly seriously; whatever the circumstances surrounding our birth, I am who I am and he is who he is. We are each more or less whole people; together, by the grace of God, we are something more than that. To me that is all that matters, in the end.

tsebring said...

ximeze: LOL, have not forgotten your request, but forget the exact words, so you might want to refresh me :) I have actually not met this girl face to face yet, but will be meeting her sometime in March (wish it were sooner, tomorrow as a matter of fact :), but circumstances prevent it from happening any sooner). But in the meantime, we have hit it off so well online and on the phone, it's like we have known each other for a couple of years. She is a wonderful Christian woman who is both a part time paramedic and massage therapist (women in healthcare make wonderful partners, being that they tend to be caring by nature).

So, how the heck does this relate to the cosmic realities of the Parallel Cooniverse? Well, for me this represents the logical next step in my evolution as a fully realized human who has taken his proper place in the larger Cooniverse, who has shed the irritating skin of the Integral Coccoon, left behind the wasteland of the pre-9/11 kumbaya campfire, and dared to take the red pill and follow the rabbit hole through the Worm-Whole into the Cooniversal Kingularity, and God willing will soon abandon the sock-strewn, feng shui-violating world of the Baccealaurate Pad into the sweet and wonder-filled world of Matrimonial Co-Hobbitation (have seen some great buys in the Bag End area). As Bob has well demonstrated with his pics of the Kit careening his way through the Holy Den, it is often the simplest and most ordinary things in life which point us, if our eyes and our I's are opened, towards the highest reaches of the Cosmos, beyond the known Cooniverse where the Supreme Keeper of Unlocked Dumpsters and Untended Campsites reigns supreme.

ximize, I will keep you posted.

NoMo said...

tsebring - I love it. You young people have such wonderful imaginations!

ms. e - Raccoon Beer Stew recipe caused me serious heart palpitations until I read it through -- beef, its beef.

bob - thoroughly entertaining post today at every level. "Coonology for Dummies" - finally even something I could understand (I think).

will said...

Joseph, yes, am somewhat familiar with Vedic astro, though from what I've been able to glean, it's not all that radically different from Western astro.

What I find pretty interesting is Esoteric Astro, which takes only the spiritual and "higher soul" astro qualities into consideration. In terms of soul-development,it places more emphasis on the rising sign than the sun-sign

While I do find astro to be a useful tool, I think it's just one of many such tools. The best tool is, of course, the development of one's own self-awareness.

will said...

Juliec, yeah, that book, you might say, is a cook book re: unspiritualized sexuality, I guess you could call it.

Spirit, with respect to any sign, transcends sexuality, lifts it to a shared transcendent plane - all the differences that that book emphasizes don't apply.

Thera-pist said...

It would seem to me that being a raccoon is only a small misfortune; havng to adjust to homosexuality or OCD would be a tougher challenge.

A raccoon can easily pass for a normal introvert. If one doesn't speak too much, then not a single soul need ever know.

However, raccoons may have much to offer normal people and should try to share some of their inner adventures; this will help to break the sense of isolation.

Fat Freddy's Cat said...

Being quite fond of cats I quite like the philosophy re the non-human inhabitants of this mostly non-human world communicated in this website.


Lisa said...

so Will, how does our forbidden love stand up to esoteric astrology? ;0)

In case you need more astro info i am a sag rising aquarius moon besides the taurean sun!

robinstarfish said...

one man's coonskin cap
daniel boone davy crockett
worn by fess parker

NoMo said...

robin racoon not bird
star as in night sky
fish not in my pond

(I like my koi)

Van said...

Will & JOseph,

My Mom has been doing the detailed Astrology charts since before I was born, and trying to show me their worth ever since I was born... I guess I just don't get it. I don't want to know what's going to happen tomorrow or next year, and I don't see any value in learning about hidden parts of myself the stars supposedly 'know' about - unless I connect with I, what's the point?

Am I missing something there? Like Will said "...The best tool is, of course, the development of one's own self-awareness. "

I've never been able to take it seriously and I know it bugs her, but hearing about which star is in my third house just makes we wonder how I can get the deed to it.

Sal said...

mrs. e -
Mine's very like yours, but I add a can of beef broth, 2 crushed cloves of garlic and up the vinegar and sugar to 2Tbsp. each.

And it has to be dark beer, stout or ale.

But then- yeah, baby.

Gagdad Bob said...


email is:


will said...

well there, Lisa . . . our forbidden love, according to the astro stats you gave me, just hums like a chorus of angels on Broadway. (whatever that means, but it sounds neat, yes?)

But for the full monty, including a wild, wind-blown interpretation of your own natal chart, you gots to email me with your date of birth, exact time of birth, exact place of birth, year of birth.

Smoov said...

Bob wrote:

"What they call "reality," we call a tight-fitting dream garment woven from the substance of the dreamer"

Damn, that's a poweful metaphor. That's why I read this blog.

will said...

Van -

>>I don't want to know what's going to happen tomorrow or next year, and I don't see any value in learning about hidden parts of myself<<

Astro can't really tell you the future per se, but it does stress the cycles of experience we all go through, the cyclic "themes" we experience again and again while, hopefully, growing in spiritual awareness. Being aware of these cycles, both individual and universal, is worth it to me. And it's just plain fun on the philosophical, mythic, symbolic level.

Well, I know you see value in investigating the hidden parts of yourself, but if astro isn't your ticket, no prob. However, I should say that astro can work in this respect - and those hidden parts are the foundations of spiritual wisdom.

robinstarfish said...

one small sip for 'coons
one giant treat for 'coonkind
thanks for all the koi

NoMo said...


juliec said...

Will, I find astrology to be interesting, but in my experience people read into it what they want to see. I have to wonder how much the cycles actually correlate with real events in our lives, or if they only seem to because we use selective memory/ perception to "make" our lives fit the cycles that come up? Of course, even this will provide some insight into one's self, which as you say can have value.

(For anyone who's interested, I decided to try a bit of 'coon sketching, currently posted on my blog if you click my name...)

Van said...

Will said "...the cyclic "themes" we experience again and again while, hopefully, growing in spiritual awareness. Being aware of these cycles, both individual and universal, is worth it to me. And it's just plain fun on the philosophical, mythic, symbolic level..."

And that makes complete sense to me. You know my bent towards the mytho-poetic, philosophical archetypes behind history and literature... I think when you bring your mind to bear on those broad foundational truths with your own life firmly in mind, you can't help but see more clearly your own inner life, and I would imagine that with some deeper consultation, you could help someone else discover similar recesses in their own lives as well.

And you're right, that is not only fascinating, but downright fun!

will said...

juliec - >>in my experience people read into it what they want to see.<<

I think if one is just skating the veneer, that would be true of any mystical language, be it astro or tarot or the I Ching and so forth. Delve into these things - and that's obviously not for everyone - then the authenticity, the real significance will be revealed. And that significance goes far beyond mere personal projection.

So, I think to have a really valid perspective on the viability of astro - or on Bob's posts, for that matter - you really have to spend some serious time with it, get beneath the surface.

Again, however, not everybody finds astro interesting, which is fine - there's lotsa languages out there, lotsa yellow brick roads.

leslie Godwin said...

Dear Sal,
I still can't believe you went to all the trouble and did all that knitting, but we're so grateful. We can't wait to see the sweater, and Tristan can definitely use it in this weather.

Bob gave you our emails, so I'll wait to hear from you, but wanted to thank you ahead of time :)


NoMo said...

juliec - very nice, that's a 'coon with a lot of character -- much like the ones who raid my pond!

koi today, 'coon tomorrow
the cycle of life

hoarhey said...

You mentioned that you had recently purchased a new Apple computer. I didn't realize that they were producing a new "retro" series. That thing is cool. I'll have to check them out. ;)

juliec said...

Good point, Will - I certainly can't say I've studied it with any depth.

Nomo - thanks!

Joan of Argghh! said...

It's 2:00 a.m. I must be a 'coon cuz as I grow older, I seem to be more awake at all hours of the night.

Plus, I'm no longer afraid of the dark...

will said...

Right, Joan, and the next day you have those big rings around your eyes from lack of sleep.

USS Ben USN (Ret) said...

Excellent post brudda Bob!

Next up...the 'Coon creedo!

Remember, Raccoons can swim as well as walk.

Take a voyage with the Sea'Coons (See'Coons for you coonophytes).

We sail with an internalty 'Coonpus to guide us at the right timelessness...to uncharted waters that were charted before and after they were uncharted.

How deep is your Sea?
Only the Hermit Crab'Coon gno's fur shore.

Anonymous said...

Raccoons rise far above astrology as the cosmos unfolds in their experience. The most appropriate sign describing them is: "Slippery when wet".

River Cocytus said...

I actually agree with you on this one, Will.

The key is, I think, that you don't use Astrology as a tool to shut out God and 'come up with your own answers'. Fortune telling is an example, IMO, of this sort of thing, and is why it is forbidden Biblically.

In this sense, it is very hard to figure out what astrology is really saying-- because there are so many people ready and willing to sell you the answers to your life through the stars.

Can you point me to a description that doesn't try to tell you what to think about it?

van: its that sort of humorlessness about something that bothers me. When someone can't joke about something it makes my spy-dee sense tingle.

I would be interested to know about it, but I don't want someone selling me a solution to all my problems through it. God already is the solution to my problems, I don't need a bunch of stars telling me what to do.

That being said, about the vedic/western thing, I think that most of western astrology is focused around producing horoscopes. It's like the magic 8-ball to me.

(By the way, I always ask the magic 8-ball rude and vulgar questions.)

Love the pic, Bob. I also find that pre-12noon I am the fastest at working, and after that its Siesta-land.

PrincessSpirit said...

RC: Interesting about your spy-dee sense - maybe it tingles when humorlessness reminds you of your father's uncomfortable lack of humor?

RC Said: "...that you don't use Astrology as a tool to shut out God and come up with your own answers."

Glad to see you flexing & open in your comments on Astrology. You're right, as long as it doesn't become a manmade replacement or substitution for Godly relationship. Nicely thought thru! I appreciate what it took to arrive at that view. Remember the Prophetic is more powerful & mysterious than Astrology & chart predictions anyday. It comes directly via Spirit w/o calculations, seances, chinese placemats or talking 8-balls!

Stars are never in positions we view them in anyway. Many are burntout & dead, not "there" anymore. But the Eternal is real. That's why I say God's Viewpoint (Eternality) is the only one that truly matters.

"I know the plans I have for you..." so its good to get with Him, talk thru & Know His Mind-Heart-Plans for You, no guessing or predictions needed. I get more outta great talks w/Daddio than Starcharts tho its interesting to study for essence of being. Many don't know how to hear from God so they use esoterica & gnostica to fill any gaps. Kabbalistic magic is interesting to study as well but it doesn't tell you precisely what you're here for. Such knowing only comes via serious spiritual tete-a-tete & coeur-de-coeur w/the Big Cheese, body, mind heart & soul, fidele a l'Esprit.

- PrincessSpirit -

sehoy said...

Just a bit of trivia at a very late date, but since you mentioned German raccoons and beer, I thought you should know that the Germans call Beer "Liquid Bread."

And I think it's deeply meaningful that German raccoons would go for "liquid bread" in a big way.