Thursday, November 24, 2005

Thanksgiving Limericks, Song Parodies and Gags

I've posted many hundreds of gags at LGF, some less worthy than others, but some worthy of being laughed at one more time before being permanently retired and disappearing into cyberspace. For example, there was the story of the elderly Malaysian chronic adulterer whose punishment, consistent with sharia law, was a caning to the privates. I wrote a limerick for the occasion:

There once was a randy Malaysian
Whose libido was frankly amazin'
They took old Abdul
And caned on his tool
And now it's just one big abrasion.

And then there was the story about Islamic rap groups, for which I submitted the following urban poetry:

It couldn't be any cleara'
I seen it on al Jazeera
Da' crusades neva' ended
Holy soil gotta be defended
We cut on da' throat
Of da' Christian invada'
Show all da' world
'Dat allah's da' greata'

Then there was the story about the proud Palestinian mother whose splodeydope daughter had just murdered a few innocent Israelis. Sung to the tune of the Rolling Stones' "Mother's Little Helper":

Things are different today
I hear Arab mothers say
The pursuit of coexistence seems a bore
So she waves her hand grenade
and a gun that's Russian-made
Seething in her U.N. shelter
With her deadly Mother's helpers
And she's such a sorry sight
In her self-inflicted plight

Another song parody about the farcical "truce" between Hamas and Israel, to the tune of "At Long Last Love":

Is it a hudna,
Or simply a crock?
Will they condemn suicide,
Or keep throwing rocks?
Is it authentic,
This new peaceful road?
Or just a new way, to say, "Reload!"?

Speaking of which, I imagine that in the Palestinian territories, one of those subtle, tasteful mortuary ads might sound something like this: "One phone call and we take care of the rest. A n angry mob, gun-toting fanatics, assurances of revenge, and a wild-eyed, bloodthirsty imam for your time of need."

Bumper stickers seen in the Palestinian territories:

-Practice premeditated acts of violence and gratuitous cruelty
-My Other Car is a Truck Bomb
-Jihad is not healthy for infidels and other vile creatures
-Follow me, I'm lost
-My son graduated Summa Boom Loudly from Arafat Hi
-Pray for world conflagration

Top ten--well, seven anyway--ways you know Hamas and Islamic Jihad have become too moderate:

7. Nobody cares that they're running out of rocks.
6. Days of Rage downgraded to Days of Irritation.
5. People go to car swarms just to pick up chicks instead of body parts.
4. Starting to ask themselves, "are you sure this is how Gandhi did it?"
3. Layoffs at the bomb lab.
2. Hamas and Islamic Jihad putting on delightful joint production of Fiddler on the Roof.
1. Nobody buying the autobiography of Arafat's widow, A Goy Named Suha.

Moving on to our own terror enablers at the New York Times, I must say I still love the city of New York, proving that one rotten bunch can't spoil the whole apple.

One good thing about democracy in the Islamic world is that Muslim politicians all promise to bring less pork to their constituents.

One of Saddam's lawyers was quoted as saying, "I don't mean to play devil's advocate... oh, wait a minute, yes I do."

Before he became a Muslim, Cat Stevens wrote the music for the film Harold and Maude, the story of a morbid, death-obsessed young man bent on killing himself to get back at others. The more things change....

How about Ward Churchill? The fact that this America-hating academic fraud was drawing a six-figure salary at taxpayer's expense brought to mind the words of another Churchill: "Never have so many owed so much to a faux Sioux."

By the way, Churchill never said he was an indian--what he said was that he had "a patchy work history." Either way, I knew the left would turn him into their latest cause s'lob.

The Europeans seem almost helpless to stop the spread of nuclear weapons into the Muslim world. On the positive side, they did agree that nuclear suitcase bombs must be small enough to fit into the overhead compartment or under the seat in front of you.

Did you hear about the uproar over the Pakistani woman refusing to wear a two-piece bathing suit in the Miss World contest? Well, they agreed on a compromise. She's actually going to wear a two-piece after all: a burka with a snorkel.



LiquidLifeHacker said...

Ha Ha Bob! Happy Thanksgiving!

Anonymous said...

Burka with a snorkel!!?? LMAO

Anonymous said...

Man, you've just dimpled the surface tension of the vast limpid pool of yoks you've posted at LGF. I know, I've stolen a few of them.


Sort-of-Mad Max said...

Plus, you've just driven me to start my own blog. Can you live with the terrible guilt, Gagdad?