tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8580258.post6460196148787702719..comments2024-03-28T12:10:26.197-07:00Comments on One Cʘsmos: Posting in the Face of FutilityGagdad Bobhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/14249005793605006679noreply@blogger.comBlogger31125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8580258.post-71122294085658140502014-06-08T12:22:28.576-07:002014-06-08T12:22:28.576-07:00Maybe the view from 5 years past a loss will help ...Maybe the view from 5 years past a loss will help a bit. I lost my husband of 37 years in 2008. We didn't have children, I'm an only child and my mom had died several year before. I truly felt alone. I was stunned by the response of my friends and online friends that I'd never met. So accept the love and sympathy from all of us. Know that Patti is now in a place of pure joy and that you will be reunited some day. Life will continue to carry you away from the time you had together. You will need to find a way to live out the rest of your life without the woman, the marriage, and the life you had together. But not today. This is the time to deal with the grief and the loss that has left a huge hole in your life. May God comfort you and your family, Ben.Terihttps://www.blogger.com/profile/13382050215676302342noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8580258.post-59999147888612555792014-06-07T01:18:54.577-07:002014-06-07T01:18:54.577-07:00Reading a page from Sri Aurobindo's Savitri is...Reading a page from Sri Aurobindo's Savitri is perhaps the most appropriate response in the face of death. Reposing faith on those words and lines is the minimum we can do as helpless human beings.Tusar Nath Mohapatrahttps://www.blogger.com/profile/12067509498066370100noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8580258.post-56826427567687019752014-06-06T16:00:52.686-07:002014-06-06T16:00:52.686-07:00(I guess I should give my email:
juliecork ~at~ p...(I guess I should give my email: <br />juliecork ~at~ prodigy.net)juliehttps://www.blogger.com/profile/15975754287030568726noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8580258.post-14078825829699041992014-06-06T15:57:37.199-07:002014-06-06T15:57:37.199-07:00Hi everyone,
As already noted, many of us would ...Hi everyone, <br /><br />As already noted, many of us would like to be able to do more for Ben than offer prayers and caring words, even knowing the words do give comfort. With that in mind, we are in the process of setting up a memorial fund in Patti's name, to help Ben and his daughters to get through the difficult days ahead. As soon as it's available, a link to a youcaring page for making donations will be listed here, at my blog, on Ben's, and anywhere else folks might like to post them. (And fwiw, this was in no way Ben's idea, though we do now have his permission to get this all set up.) <br /><br />Alternatively, if you'd like to contribute, but don't feel comfortable donating online or with a credit card, send me an email and I can give you Ben's address, and you can simply mail him a check. Or even just a card, or a jar of kimchee. Maybe some treats for his dog, Skully. You get the picture.<br /><br />Thanks in advance - I know it will be deeply appreciated.juliehttps://www.blogger.com/profile/15975754287030568726noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8580258.post-76515276540409336492014-06-06T07:53:08.590-07:002014-06-06T07:53:08.590-07:00Thanks Joan and JR.
I'm at skullysrealm@msn.co...Thanks Joan and JR.<br />I'm at skullysrealm@msn.com if you guys wanna talk sme more.<br />USS Ben USN (Ret)https://www.blogger.com/profile/07492369604790651538noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8580258.post-61306694937665127182014-06-06T03:33:24.231-07:002014-06-06T03:33:24.231-07:00Ben, the J.R. and I will keep you and Patti in our...Ben, the J.R. and I will keep you and Patti in our prayers. <br /><br />Thank you, Bob, for this virtual shiva, rending our hearts with a shared grief and an eternal hope.<br /><br />Julie, is there an address for Ben that can be shared privately?Joan of Argghh!https://www.blogger.com/profile/14729682908266300507noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8580258.post-29910523421123956132014-06-05T16:06:07.000-07:002014-06-05T16:06:07.000-07:00Thanks Jack.
Thanks Jack. <br />USS Ben USN (Ret)https://www.blogger.com/profile/07492369604790651538noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8580258.post-28434599408488825412014-06-05T16:04:39.754-07:002014-06-05T16:04:39.754-07:00Thanks Ted and Brazentide.
I cooncur. Thanks Ted and Brazentide. <br />I cooncur. USS Ben USN (Ret)https://www.blogger.com/profile/07492369604790651538noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8580258.post-69602656353893321212014-06-05T16:03:24.648-07:002014-06-05T16:03:24.648-07:00Ben- You and your daughters are in my prayers. Ben- You and your daughters are in my prayers. Jackhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/06708393262849661076noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8580258.post-21896172361589819032014-06-05T16:02:34.913-07:002014-06-05T16:02:34.913-07:00Thank you Magister, Paul and Alan and everyone I h...Thank you Magister, Paul and Alan and everyone I haven't yet thanked at my blog.<br />Your prayers have helped and your concern really gets to me. <br /><br />And thank you, Bob.USS Ben USN (Ret)https://www.blogger.com/profile/07492369604790651538noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8580258.post-10012418835432604112014-06-05T15:54:25.833-07:002014-06-05T15:54:25.833-07:00Thanks for sharing that, Leslie.
Patti suffered f...Thanks for sharing that, Leslie. <br />Patti suffered from the same acuteness to cruelties, injustices, and unfairness (not that I'm not immune to despair at times but not to the same extent as she was).<br /><br />That's good advice from Bob. Generally speaking I think it's harder for women to deal with despair because of the natural affinity to nurture just like it's tougher for guys to just listen and not try to fix everything.<br /><br />USS Ben USN (Ret)https://www.blogger.com/profile/07492369604790651538noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8580258.post-51888981421573061082014-06-05T15:53:46.561-07:002014-06-05T15:53:46.561-07:00Words fail indeed.
It's impossible to fully c...Words fail indeed.<br /><br />It's impossible to fully comprehend the death of someone so close until you actually experience it.<br /><br />My prayers are with you and your family.Brazentidehttps://www.blogger.com/profile/14185966349888770222noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8580258.post-35581026440180218982014-06-05T14:54:16.817-07:002014-06-05T14:54:16.817-07:00The day which we fear as our last is but the birth...<i>The day which we fear as our last is but the birthday of eternity.</i> -- Seneca<br /><br />Ben, my prayers to you and well wishes to your family during this time.tedhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/07354048695798015131noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8580258.post-22890584992020507482014-06-05T14:54:13.802-07:002014-06-05T14:54:13.802-07:00Leslie,
Part of my problem is that those who are ...Leslie,<br /><br /><i>Part of my problem is that those who are left behind when one of us goes back to God suffer so much. </i><br /><br />Exactly. And in Ben's case, the added worry of health and the fact that he's alone. I was glad to see his daughters will be there tomorrow. juliehttps://www.blogger.com/profile/15975754287030568726noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8580258.post-10046087112591932492014-06-05T13:54:44.610-07:002014-06-05T13:54:44.610-07:00Ben, I posted on your blog, and will continue to p...Ben, I posted on your blog, and will continue to pray for you and your girls.<br /><br />I do suffer from what Bob described -- feeling despair at times because of the cruelty and evil in the world and watching our country lose her moorings in love of freedom and truth, personal responsibility, and fear of God.<br /><br />I was flying home the other day from visiting my mom in FL and some wispy clouds were passing underneath the plane. It reminded me of how a movie producer might show God's presence. Not sure if you know what I mean. But I asked God, "Why are we here just to suffer and eventually die? Just saying." And I felt Him respond, "You came from me and you will come back to me." It seemed to answer my question, but didn't remove my angst about it very much. But I felt a glimpse of something to hold onto and try to understand better. Part of my problem is that those who are left behind when one of us goes back to God suffer so much. <br /><br />I also think that mothers more than fathers are always aware of the possibility of something bad happening to their children. They might express it in ways that aren't helpful, like worrying about their child catching a cold or putting out an eye with a stick, but I think it's because they are made to protect their children. So the worrying is similar to a watchdog always scanning their environment for something out of place or a potential threat, but ending up barking at the UPS guy delivering a package. <br /><br />So when Bob tells me to fight against those urges, I no longer call him names (that wasn't me he referred to, although I was in that group at school which is actually how we met.) <br /><br />I second what Julie said...I wish we could all be there with you and would love to hear your stories about Patti when you are ready to tell them, and meet your girls, and just be there with you without saying anything at all. Leslie Godwinhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/11794375005614166921noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8580258.post-34089362215315261142014-06-05T13:14:28.399-07:002014-06-05T13:14:28.399-07:00Thoughts, prayers and tears for you and your girls...Thoughts, prayers and tears for you and your girls.Alan Baldwin M.S.https://www.blogger.com/profile/09495376084184300359noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8580258.post-24747022467780586342014-06-05T13:03:55.305-07:002014-06-05T13:03:55.305-07:00I have thought of a thousand things to say, and no...I have thought of a thousand things to say, and none of them suffice, so just know that you have my prayers, as well as those of my family. Paul Griffinhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/11266956202232070017noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8580258.post-29482924397184204552014-06-05T12:53:29.025-07:002014-06-05T12:53:29.025-07:00I reckon what I'm tryin' to say is you guy...I reckon what I'm tryin' to say is you guys kicked futility's ass today.USS Ben USN (Ret)https://www.blogger.com/profile/07492369604790651538noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8580258.post-63205585516840431672014-06-05T12:51:06.953-07:002014-06-05T12:51:06.953-07:00Yesterday, before the paramedics left, the senior ...Yesterday, before the paramedics left, the senior one, a very nice lady asked, "do you have any family you can call to be with you before we go so you won't be alone?"<br /><br />"Well, no. But I'll be ok," I replied.<br /><br />But she wouldn't leave unless I had someone else there with me. So one of our neighbors and the Chaplain filled in.<br /><br />I realized it was all too true, other than Patti, and our two daughters I have no family, which may seem odd for a guy in his fifties.<br />Plus, out daughters are in Kentucky and North Carolina.<br /><br />Haven't felt quite this lonely for 33 years, I thought, as I talked to our neighbor and the Chaplain.<br /><br />Don't get me wrong, they were good company and all, it's just...I dunno.<br /><br />However, I was mistaken. <br />After, reading today's post, and the comments here and on my blog, I now gno I have a lot of friends and family right here!<br /><br />Patti is smiling right now knowing how blessed I am to have brothers and sisters like you guys! :)<br /><br />Thank you all for your prayers and friendship. I feel you in spirit, and that is truly not futile in my book! <br />USS Ben USN (Ret)https://www.blogger.com/profile/07492369604790651538noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8580258.post-20616414258332676712014-06-05T12:17:51.550-07:002014-06-05T12:17:51.550-07:00Death is such a cheat, and shocks every time. We a...Death is such a cheat, and shocks every time. We are not made to accept it.<br /><br />Godspeed, dear Patti. And our arms around our Ben.robinstarfishhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/15665546554663005609noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8580258.post-73499663141736144132014-06-05T12:07:36.775-07:002014-06-05T12:07:36.775-07:00Precisely. The universe is tragic.
But reality i...Precisely. The universe is tragic. <br /><br />But reality isn't.Tonyhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/00987042455512485699noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8580258.post-37360498022007609232014-06-05T11:23:40.809-07:002014-06-05T11:23:40.809-07:00In Vanderleun's sidebar there is a timely quot...In Vanderleun's sidebar there is a timely quote from Tolkien:<br /><br />"I am a Christian, and indeed a Roman Catholic, so that I do not expect 'history' to be anything but a long defeat -- though it contains (and in a legend may contain more clearly and movingly) some samples or glimpses of final victory."Gagdad Bobhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/14249005793605006679noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8580258.post-71536702888181211512014-06-05T11:10:46.523-07:002014-06-05T11:10:46.523-07:00Oh and Bob, the darkness comes every night. We sti...Oh and Bob, the darkness comes every night. We still light candles. If we didn't, we'd be in the dark.<br /><br />Posting in the face of futility doesn't conquer death. Nothing does. But doing so is a reminder that we're alive, however vulnerable. If you didn't post, you'd probably feel impotent and frustrated. Now you merely feel inadequate.<br /><br />It's okay. Aren't we all? You've pulled us once again into a common circle, and that means a lot.Tonyhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/00987042455512485699noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8580258.post-26408108214136581722014-06-05T11:06:58.409-07:002014-06-05T11:06:58.409-07:00"no, jackass, I don't need advice. I just...<i>"no, jackass, I don't need advice. I just need to express myself and feel understood."</i><br /><br />If I had a nickel for every time I've heard that ...Tonyhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/00987042455512485699noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8580258.post-52189967146412950132014-06-05T11:05:54.831-07:002014-06-05T11:05:54.831-07:00Ben, sympathy here, too. I know I'll be devast...Ben, sympathy here, too. I know I'll be devastated, flattened, hammered in the guts if my wife precedes me, so just know another guy out there really feels it. It's personal, yes, but you're not alone.<br /><br />And I'm sure you know we're all saying prayers for your wife, you, and your family.Tonyhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/00987042455512485699noreply@blogger.com