--I declare my allegiance to the SubGenius Race and to my household kingdom, while severing all ties with enemies of the SubGenii (including myself if need be) except where it is fiscally required.
--As a member of this mutant empire, my first concern is Slack for myself, my family and friends.
I will promote divisions and wars among non-SubGenii.
I will work to cast out the False Prophets.
I will work to erase the Conforming Instinct.
I will work for Time Control in my own life.
I will work to preserve this planet from destruction except for the proper reasons.
I will work to unmask the Conspiracy and install a strict anarchy or formal chaos.
I will work to prevent humanity from ever acting with a common will.
I will work to grip the reins of evolution.
I pledge that I will not actually "work" at any of the above; moreover that I will never voluntarily allow any shortness of Slack into my home, temple, fane, cathedral, chapel, shrine, priory, abbey, friary, convent, monastery, or place of business.