Sunday, June 22, 2008

Collective Overnight Free-form Improvisational Cosmic Mystery Theatre

Gagdad Bob said...
Damn, Walt, I was just reading Paracelsus this morning. Get out of my attractor!

Scotty said...
I cannae break away from his attractor beam, Cap'n!

cap'n said...
Scotty... try... to... go forward... INTO the attractor beam!

spock said...
That is highly illogical, Captain.

captain said...
I know, Spock, I... know... but that's... what makes... us... human!

bones said...
Damn it, Jim, can't you do something! I'm a doctor not a Walt Disney ride!

red shirt ray said...
Captain! Spock is right! This is highly illogical! We'll all die sir!

captain said...
As you were, mister! You are relieved!

captain said...
What... in the... hell... are you talking about, Bones?

scotty said...
Cap,n, it's the dilithium crystals! They cannae last much longer!

scotty said...
And I punctuated Cap'n wrong!

cap'n said...
Scotty, screw... the dilithium crystals!

sulu said...
I'll screw 'em, Captain!

checkov said...
Botany Bay? Botany Bay? Oh no!

captain said...
Bones? Checkov... he's having... flashbacks.

bones said...
This ought to fix him, Jim!

sulu said...
I'll fix him!

uhuru said...
Captain! I'm getting a transmission... but I can't decipher it!

captain said...
Spock, can you...?

spock said...
Fascinating. It doesn't show up on my monitor...

captain said...
Magnify... the viewer... to maximum!

bones said...
What in tarnation?

spock said...
Fascinating.

captain said...
What... is it... Spock?

spock said...
It appears, however unlikely that may be, to be a garden gnome of some sort. It still doesn't register on any of our scanners.

red shirt ray said...
Huh? I don't see anything. Hey, did you guys read that evolution book I was...

captain said...
Security! Escort mister Ray to sick bay. Bones... do what you can.

sulu said...
I'll escort him, Captain!

captain said...
Spock, Uhura... the gnome... he is saying something... what?

spock said...
I checked the highest frequency, and I took the filters off... I...

captain said...
Spock! Spock! Snap out of it! What... did... he... say? Spock?

Bones! Spock, he's... smiling.

spock said...
Captain... he calls himself... Petey. He did a gnome mind meld, Jim... ha ha ha!

scotty said...
Try saying gnome mind meld ten times really fast!

bones said...
Spock is fine, Jim. Must be his human side laughing.

captain said...
Spock! Spock! What... did he... say?

spock said...
Ha ha! He said... Ho! he said "pardon our Bob, hallowed be his gnome!" Ha ha ha!

captain said...
Wait a minnute! Wait! A minute... that book I was reading, you know the one, Bones... you gave it to me.

bones said...
Yeah, but it was meant as a joke, Jim...

captain said...
One Cosmos... One Cosmos Under... God! That's the one, Bones!
In... the book... there was a hand drawn likeness of this Petey!

But how...can this be?!

bones said...
Down the foggy ruins of time... far past the frozen leaves...

captain said...
Mister.... Tambourine.... Man!

spock said...
Far from the twisted reach of crazy sorrow?

bones said...
Jim, Petey is saying something else!

captain said...
To dance... beneath... the diamond sky... with one hand waving free!

bones said...
With... all memory and fate... driven deep beneath the waves....

spock said...
He said... one indulgence to you, sulu, for your cosmic reacharound to the lost tribe of Raccoons. Ho!

red shirt ray said...
Did you know that Raccoons evolved?
I'm serious!

petey said...
Raccoons did not evolve. Evolution Raccooned. Big difference.

red shirt ray said...
Gorn!!!

petey said...
Woe to the gaseous brood of Darwinist vapors!

big lizard said...
Connnnnnnnnnnn! Shill! Discovery Institute!

captain said...
Bones! Could you give Charles a Mydol? He sounds like Al Gore down on spaceship earth -- you know, the frozen planet that stopped evolving after it went atheist in 2037!

petey said...
Know that my antics are a door to the wise and a wall to the ignorant, for I am the Sound of Surprise!

Ho!

petey said...
I am come for the hole in your head or a whole new head!

Ho!

petey said...
For we have come to wage battle with the Nobel savages!

petey said...
For I say unto you: the Darwinist is the sound of one bland yapping!

petey said...
O, my little masked pandits, know that I speak to you with vague certainty and crystal clear ambiguity!

Ho!

petey said...
The HE IS is eternally reflected in the clear and peaceful waters of the I AM.

Or is it the other way around?

petey said...
Only with two eyes may you see the third of which they are a property!

uss ben usn (ret) said...
The third Aye...

petey said...
For in these latter days, your heart shall be a rosy cross, a kali flower!

petey said...
For bonehead Darwinism is a trojan hearse to sneak the culture of Death into our public schools!

petey said...
In our two front battle, our superstitious foreign enemies are lost in the circle, while our substitious domestic ones are lost in the line. We must show them the innerstices of the open spiral!

petey said...
Knowledge minus wisdom = materialism.

petey said...
Darwinism explains the Darwinist, for their minds are simply an adaptation to the transient fashions of the day. A Raccoon is adapted to the Eternal Verities. A word to the unwise: "Survival of the Fittest" applies to eternity no less than time!

petey said...
To the small mind of the Darwinist, tiny things appear large. But their entire ideology fits into my capacious hip pocket, with room left over for my Walmart coupons!

Ho!

scatter said...
If Truth is higher than a banana, then Darwinism has been falsified.

uss ben usn (ret) said...
Even Scatter gets it!

petey said...
Scatter does indeed get it, for science is a world of horizontal quantities, while religion discloses a world of vertical qualities. Being that scientism would reduce the vertical to the horizontal, it cannot help but end in a culture of death if followed to its logical extreme. To reduce wisdom to knowledge is to cease to be human.

petey said...
I have spoken. Good-DAY!

34 Comments:

Anonymous jwm said...

Scatter just boldly went where no one's gone before. But who's going to clean up the mess?

JWM

6/22/2008 11:41:00 AM  
Anonymous cousin Dupree said...

Everybody's got something to hide except for me and my monkey.

6/22/2008 11:45:00 AM  
Blogger Robin Starfish said...

Shakespeare, watch your back.

6/22/2008 01:00:00 PM  
Blogger Van said...

I'd like to point out that there wasn't a single Tribble, Android or Klingon represented in this episode, which is illrepresentative of a proper multi-culti-universal-diversity society mandate which the Federation once stood for. It is a disgrace, and indicative of why Martians and the Q no longer respect us.

6/22/2008 01:22:00 PM  
Blogger Van said...

And no, redshirtray doesn't count.

6/22/2008 01:23:00 PM  
Blogger Van said...

Everyone knows he'll be off'd during the landing party... he's only a gratuitous token at best.

6/22/2008 01:24:00 PM  
Blogger Gagdad Bob said...

And oftentimes, to win us our harm,
The instruments of darkness tell us truths,
Win us with honest trifles, to betray us
In deepest consequence
. --Wm Shakespeare

6/22/2008 01:33:00 PM  
Anonymous jwm said...

Van:
This could be the beginning of the Tribble-ations!
(psst, hey kid, wanna try some dilithium crystal? First warp is free, ya' know...)

JWM

6/22/2008 01:37:00 PM  
Blogger Van said...

LOL!

6/22/2008 01:39:00 PM  
Blogger Van said...

Not new, but Walter Williams made the link between Macbeth and 'crises' tactics such as what QP linked to yesterday, using partial truths to put over complete lies,
Fearmongering from the Weather Channel.

6/22/2008 01:50:00 PM  
Anonymous christopher said...

Horizontal quantity,vertical quality,
The cross of the world.

Fly at warp speed into the space
Beyond the world into the cross of God's heart.

The heart of creation beats gracefully
With God's song alive in my own soul.

6/22/2008 03:02:00 PM  
Anonymous walmart shopper said...

But their entire ideology fits into my capacious hip pocket, with room left over for my Walmart coupons!

Truly this Petey is an enlightened being!

6/22/2008 04:32:00 PM  
Anonymous Petey said...

Call no man enlightened who is not a sensible shopper.

6/22/2008 04:35:00 PM  
Anonymous Petey said...

For I am merciful, prudent, frugal!

6/22/2008 04:38:00 PM  
Blogger USS Ben USN (Ret) said...

Van said...
"I'd like to point out that there wasn't a single Tribble, Android or Klingon represented in this episode,.."

It's the doggone Gorn's fault!
They are leeching the fun outta life.
We're lookin' at the possibility of a Trilogy here. An Epic (or Opic)!

1. The Wrath of Gorn

2. The Search For Joy (Oy!)

3. The Oyage Om

Shouldn't be much tribble at all. :^)

Thanks, Bob, for the outstanding job of Oditing!

6/22/2008 04:53:00 PM  
Blogger USS Ben USN (Ret) said...

jwm said...
"Van:
This could be the beginning of the Tribble-ations!
(psst, hey kid, wanna try some dilithium crystal? First warp is free, ya' know...)"

Ha ha! Thanks John! Dilithium does sound like an addictive substance.

Tribble'ations- Hey! We could wright a series of books on this!

6/22/2008 04:58:00 PM  
Blogger USS Ben USN (Ret) said...

Petey has his own cooking show on the Food channel:
The Frugal Gnomet

6/22/2008 05:00:00 PM  
Blogger USS Ben USN (Ret) said...

Gagdad Bob said...
And oftentimes, to win us our harm,
The instruments of darkness tell us truths,
Win us with honest trifles, to betray us
In deepest consequence. --Wm Shakespeare

Shakespeare was a Raccoon! Good call, Bob!

6/22/2008 05:17:00 PM  
Blogger USS Ben USN (Ret) said...

christopher said...
Horizontal quantity,vertical quality,
The cross of the world.

Fly at warp speed into the space
Beyond the world into the cross of God's heart.

The heart of creation beats gracefully
With God's song alive in my own soul.

Eloquently put, Christopher!

6/22/2008 05:22:00 PM  
Blogger Ray Ingles said...

Yeah, nobody who puts me in their plays gets the characterization right.

6/22/2008 07:40:00 PM  
Blogger Van said...

Yeah. How'd they miss the red shirt?

6/22/2008 08:22:00 PM  
Anonymous ximeze said...

That fits: redshirts are not good enough for a Nuanced Generation

Presenting Barnray the Purple

6/22/2008 08:50:00 PM  
Anonymous ximeze said...

Check out these cool spacewalk pics & don't miss Petey's spiral at the end

http://www.texasjim.com/NASApix/
NASA%20pix.htm

6/22/2008 10:46:00 PM  
Anonymous Johan said...

LOL!

And the exploration of Inner Space has only just begun! It’s time to travel to the inner rim of conscious space-time endlessness where no boundaries are to find and all the bananas you can eat are for free. Gentlemen, start your Intelliengines, and get those monkeys off the windshield! Let’s leave the Flat Planet; the time has come to Move On Up!

6/23/2008 02:51:00 AM  
Blogger Ricky Raccoon said...

My Bob’s the one Bob
who can make anti-matter
sound like a good thing

6/23/2008 05:01:00 AM  
Blogger Ricky Raccoon said...

Heard at geek pick nit:

What? No Starship Enterprise?

Spock, phasers on stun

6/23/2008 05:09:00 AM  
Anonymous Cousin Dupree said...

We travel on the starship Free Enterprise. Except for LaFayette, who's never had a job in his life.

6/23/2008 06:01:00 AM  
Blogger Ray Ingles said...

Re: the 'culture of death':

On the contrary.
People die when others are
Absolutely sure.

6/23/2008 08:15:00 AM  
Anonymous Petey said...

And to think I was absolutely sure that murder is wrong! How naive of me.

6/23/2008 08:42:00 AM  
Blogger Ray Ingles said...

But don't you see, Petey -
Every war in history
was 'necessary'.

6/23/2008 08:57:00 AM  
Anonymous Petey said...

No it wasn't. Besides, a just war is not murder.

6/23/2008 09:06:00 AM  
Anonymous Darwin said...

Plus, war is genetic anyway. It's good for "thinning the herd."

6/23/2008 09:09:00 AM  
Blogger Ray Ingles said...

Wow, for someone who insists that I miss the point all the time, Petey sure missed the point of the scare quotes around "necessary".

And actually makes my point, thereby.

6/23/2008 09:19:00 AM  
Blogger Ray Ingles said...

Say, "Darwin" - the modern words put in your mouth there are quite different from the ones you said way back when...

6/23/2008 09:27:00 AM  

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